Come On, Take a Shot

HELLO! haven’t written for a while, so here is a little update :o

went to the movies with this guy i’ve been talking to FOREVER, everything went fine. he dropped me off at home and we were just sitting in his car. i go in for what i think is a hug and he goes in for a kiss. so i pull away and go in for a short kiss. then i go back in for a hug, which he thinks is another kiss?

basically the most awkward encounter of my life and it definitely didn’t help my confidence at all. we have a lot of mutual friends and i’m sure they’ll all be laughing at me soon,

oh well! 

Inadequate

So basically I somehow got a significant scratch on my eye. I’ve been away from school the past two days and I can’t open my eye.

Today my mother told me I had to go to school. I honestly started to whimper like a wounded animal. I’ve never before experienced the pressure to look beautiful in high school (I’m doing my fifth year) and suddenly I’m terrified. I’m terrified to go to school with my glasses on, without eye makeup and with one eye drooping/closed.

In all my other years, I’d go with no makeup and my hair a complete mess. However, this year, I’ve transferred from a private school to a public school. Because of the fact we don’t have to wear a uniform the pressure to look good has skyrocketed.

It’s also difficult when you believe your best friend is much better looking and constantly gets attention from guys.

Sorry if this seems insignificant/petty to you, but this is how I feel at this moment in time.

I feel like my brain is expanding in my head and my heart shrinking in my chest

:(

I feel like I’m going to throw up

I can’t deal with stress

or school or

life 

My biology assignment is a week late because my anxiety/depression right now is unreal. Just sat here and cried for about 20 minutes because for some reason I can’t get the project done.

I feel like I don’t have the drive to do just about anything anymore

I know this is going to sound like an exaggeration, but it’s honestly not.

School is literally killing me.

It’s making my depression/anxiety go through the roof, and I’m not sure how much longer I can stay relatively sane there.

I’m experiencing UNREAL amounts of body aches and pains, specifically my back and neck. I can’t even look up (ironic)

Anonymous asked: Your thoughts and feelings on sex are not abnormal. Sex is not for everyone and if you don't want to have sex, you don't have to. There are thousands of other ways to have intimacy in a relationship without having sex. Again, you are not abnormal for your thoughts on sex.

Thanks so much for this :D

xtnox asked: Hai, I'm now your fourth. LOVE ME.

I do! Thanks for the follow :)

Greetings my three followers, it’s about 2AM which seems about right cuz that’s when I do all of my thinking. 

Now that I know three people might read this, I feel sort of shy, which is weird, but anyways.

Lately I’ve been thinking about relationships with guys and it FREAKS me out so much. (By lately, I mean everyday). 

I keep thinking, “hey, wouldn’t it be nice to like somebody and think that there’s the possibility of you dating them?”

I’m seriously trying to figure out how my life is going to unfold when I can’t even THINK about any physical/sexual contact with a man. 

I seriously cannot comprehend how people actually want to have sex with each other. I know that’s an absurd thing to say but I can’t wrap my head around it. 

When I think about sex, I think it would make you like someone less and not more. These feelings are really abnormal and I want to get myself sorted out. 

Damn

I am SO tired all the time and it must be due to depression/anxiety but I don’t want to talk to my parents about it. This sucks.